1/16/25 - Last night was so much better than the night before! I didn't feel scared at all taking that different route. I also used my flashlight when it got too dark, although I need to figure out a way to mount it on my bike so I don't have to just hold it in my hand at the same time as the handlebar.
And then today on the way to work, I was way faster now that I'm a bit more comfortable with the path. I think that after I do this a few more times and have a way to mount my flashlight, I'll be able to take the Scary Path home again, since it is faster than going through town. Although I am worried for the temperature to drop to the 30s soon. I'm going to start wearing a beanie under my helmet to protect my ears from the cold.
I wound up sleeping in pretty late this morning/afternoon, partly because Misty (kitten) was cuddling with me, which was very cute and relaxing. I've been having this problem where if a cat cuddles with me and I don't work in the morning, I wind up sleeping in. But I do feel pretty rested today, so it's not all bad. I meal prepped some pesto pasta but didn't wind up wanting to eat a ton of it at work, and got a little microwavable burrito with black beans and wild rice for my lunch.
I haven't been eating as much for the past few days, which is interesting because I've been much more active and it would make sense for me to be hungrier. But I feel more sensitive to nausea because of the activity. And there's the fact that I've been (or at least felt) busier. Maybe I just need to get more food that's easy to eat with minimal prep. I always feel guilty doing that though!
1/15/25 - WOW, LAST NIGHT WAS AWFUL!!! I had figured it would be scary riding my bike home at night on a path I was pretty new to, but I honestly underestimated HOW scary it would be, because I didn't know that most of the bike path doesn't have any lamps and part of it is in a kind of forest area. It was also SUPER foggy last night, and I could only see maybe 10-20 feet ahead of me with my bike's front light. It took way longer than it had to because I was terrified and going much slower than usual. I couldn't even listen to music in one earbud like I had on my commute over, because the mix of the music and the wind started making creepy noises like a man's voice coming from behind me. And I couldn't really look behind or around me because I didn't want to swerve.
The fear also made my hands shake, which made me worry that I would veer off the path and fall into the river, which made me more scared, etc. Part of me felt like I would never get home, because I couldn't recognize any of the scenery around me in the dark and fog. When I did get home, I cried a lot, and it took another hour or two to fall asleep.
Today, I took that same path to get from home to work, so I could become more familiar with everything and hopefully less scared. The path definitely felt MUCH shorter when I could see everything around me clearly and was comfortable moving faster. I did get kind of lost at the end of the bike path trying to get on to the right path into town, because there were a lot of looping trails at this park. But I made it into work on time.
Tonight, I'm planning to take a different path where I'm in town for longer so there's more visibility. It's similar to the path I took to work the first time, when I got lost.........although hopefully I won't get lost this time. I'm going to try using an extra flashlight if it's too dark to see very far again.
In other news, I redid my slugcat embroidery, and I'm finally 100% satisfied with it.
1/14/25 - I rode my new bike to work for the first time. Thankfully I gave myself a lot of extra time in case I got lost, which I did. Why is Simon riding a bike to work when they live so conveniently close to one bus station and work one block away from the other bus station, you might wonder?
The answer is that we have a really awful new manager who wrote an awful schedule where I work until after midnight, when the busses do not run. I'm sticking it out though because aside from him, I love this job (and I want to keep my insurance.)
Anyway, it's an e-bike, and my coworker was kind enough to sell it to me for really cheap (she also just wanted to get rid of it). I've only been using the pedal assist sometimes on the 1st or 2nd setting because I'm still getting used to it, and I'm pretty scared of going fast.
(I can't even enjoy the Sonic games for this reason.)
It's a lot of fun to ride, I'm just not looking forward to riding it in the middle of the night, in the winter. Yikes. Hopefully I at least get more muscular legs out of this.
I do enjoy riding bikes after all! I always have, and in fact I've been wanting to get a new one for the past couple years! It's just really inconvenient to commute this way, because I have to wear more business formal clothes to work, so I have to bring at least a change of shoes and pants with me. And I can't really wear a binder while exercising, either. Hopefully I'll be getting top surgery some time in the next 5 months though, and that will no longer be a problem.
This is the first journal entry I'm actually writing on my computer, btw! I just wrote the other ones down on my notes app over the weekend.
1/13/25 - I shot a rifle today! I also had fried artichoke hearts for the first time!
1/12/25 - I "finished" embroidering the slugcat on my flannel. Not 100% satisfied with it, it looks a little too wide and the tail is a little too short, but at least it's recognizably a slugcat. I will probably redo it.